(The opinions expressed in this post are mine and mine alone. They do not reflect the beliefs of any employer that I may have had in the past, present, or future.) An elderly client with medical conditions came into a bank, looking to send a wire. Her fiancé, a Lt. General in the Army, based in Syria, needed money for food. The wire would be sent to a bank in New Jersey and end up in an account with Coinbase in San Francisco. It would be withdrawn by the Lt. General’s commanding officer, who would deliver it to the Lt. General. This is 100% a scam. But how can you recognize the scam?

Job Warning Flags

Even if this is all the information you have, there are several warning flags. The first one starts with the job. Why would a Lt. General in the Army, who likely brings in $18,000 a month or more, need money sent to him? Especially when the amount is so much smaller than what he makes? Why would this Lt. General need to buy food with those funds? I am decently certain that the Army is aware of the adage that “an army marches on its stomach.” Canned food was invented so Napoleon could conquer Europe. Food is an essential part of any military operation.

Location Warning Flags

This scam involves four far flung locations: the state of the victim, New Jersey, California, and Syria. In many bank transactions, three is already considered too many. By itself, this might not indicate a scam, but it makes it more likely that a scam is taking place when other red flags are involved.

Financial Institution Warning Signs

Coinbase is a cryptocurrency bank. Cryptocurrencies are the currency of choice for fraudsters. It doesn’t mean that the bank or the cryptocurrency are involved in the fraud other than as instruments of conveyance. However, cryptocurrencies are not regulated like government backed currencies, which means there are fewer safeguards in place for those who use cryptocurrencies. Why isn’t this wire going to the Lt. General’s own bank account? There are plenty of banks that work with our military people overseas. Clearly, this Lt. General has access to the Internet, so he can do his banking online. I am certain that the military has a way to get cash to its members without having to route a wire through three states and Coinbase.

Relationship Warning Signs

When asked about the relationship, the client said that they met online had known each other for three years, so this was definitely not a scam. It’s important to note that the scammers involved in this type of scam, known as a romance scam, are patient. They will work for months to years to reel in a victim, to gain their trust, and then to get their money. In fact, there is likely more than one person behind the scam, so even if one scammer leaves the organization, another can be there to take their place. Having never met your fiancé in person should be a warning. People on the web are not what they seem, even when they are being honest. Unfortunately, you can never tell who is being honest and who is putting up a front.

Stereotypical Victim Statistics

Anyone can be a victim of a scam. I fell victim to two scams when I was in my 20s. I would have fallen for two more scams in my late 40s if my wife hadn’t warned me. While the elderly are often targeted, don’t think you’re immune. In fact, Pew Research has said that 73% of Americans have experienced an online scam or attack.

IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT

With that being the case, if you ever fall victim to a scam, it’s not your fault. Let me repeat that: IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. You should understand that scammers are good at their jobs. Even Andy Cohen fell for a scam. Scammers rig the system to put you in a bad position and then they offer you an easy solution. They know how to push your buttons, and they will push them. They prey on the elderly, the lonely, and the uninformed. They use our greatest weaknesses against us. Worse, they use our greatest strengths – our innate belief in the good in people, our ability to trust others, and our hopes for better lives. Scammers are clearly scum and worse. Still, it’s better to avoid a scam then to fall victim to one.

Signs of a Scam

• Sense of urgency.
• They’re in a rush.
• There’s a time limit.
• They give instructions for you to use when you go to the bank.
• They tell you to mislead or lie to your bankers.
• They called you.

For the romance scam, which is mentioned above, the signs will also include, someone asking for money. If you’ve never met the person in real life, you’re involved in a scam, and it doesn’t matter how or when the relationship started.

Of course, the scammer doesn’t have to be a Lt. General in Syria. They could be a waiter in Paris looking to open a café, or Nigerian Prince looking to fly to safety, or a penguin keeper in Antarctica, who needs medicine for sick penguins. The scammer is going to be the person they need to be to get money from you. Even before AI, you couldn’t trust anything on the Internet. It’s 100 times worse now.

And remember, if the offer seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Why Don’t Banks Do Something?

There was a story about an 89-year-old Canadian who lost his life savings – $1.7 million in a scam that lasted six months. His family blamed the banks. They said the banks didn’t do enough to prevent the scam. It’s a mistake to say banks don’t do anything. Banks will inform the person that it appears they are being scammed. They will point out the discrepancies, the fallacies, the illogical parts of the scammers’ story. They will say that this is a known scam. But giving information is as far as banks can go.

Banks cannot tell people what to do with their money. Even if the bank is 100% sure that the person sending a wire is being scammed, the bank may still have to send the wire.

Someone comes into the bank to withdraw $2000. They have been watching the Three-Card Monte dealer all morning, and they picked the queen every time when others were playing the game. They were going to bet $2000 and win $6000. Should the bank deny the withdrawal? What if the $2000 was going to be used at the Casino on Native American land?

Should the bank decide to not allow withdrawals that would be used for cigarettes, porn, or alcohol or any other “sin” industry? While this is the slippery slope argument, consider your own situation.

How angry do you get when your card gets shut off when you’re trying to charge something? It’s a huge inconvenience, and generally, it irritates people that they have to call a 1-800 number to tell the bank that the purchase is real. Now, imagine the bank telling you that you can’t use your money because the bank believes you’re the victim of a scam. Remember, none of those red flags are actual evidence. The world is filled with possibilities and improbabilities. No one can prove that the Lt. General is actual a scamming group that’s been setting the bank client up for three years.

How to Avoid Being Scammed

There are some things you can do to avoid being scammed. If you get a check in the mail from someone or some company and you are not expecting the check, it could be a scam. (Unfortunately, a Safeway settlement that had people getting $200 without really knowing the reason why looked like a scam because people weren’t expecting the money.)

If someone calls you from an organization, hang up and call them back on a number you know not one you were given. The number on the back of your debit card or credit card is always a good place to start.

Recognize when your beliefs are clouding your judgement. You don’t deserve a better deal. God isn’t answering your prayers. Strangers aren’t always nice. Believing that everyone is evil is tiresome and unhealthy, still you need a healthy level of skepticism, especially if there’s a gift horse involved.

Look out for time sensitive offers. This is an old sales trick: I have five people looking at the house, so you’ll want to get your offer down as soon as possible. If you don’t pay $8000 within the next 48 hours, we’ll cut off your services. Scammers will tell you that there is a limited amount of time for you to make something right. If you don’t make the time limit, you’ll face dire consequences.

Do your research. Research the person’s name, what they look like, where they live, research who they work for. Call that organization whenever possible, using a phone number that wasn’t given to you by the person.

Don’t send money to someone you’ve never met in person.

The hardest part about falling for a scam is that it will take some of your trust away. A romance scam is especially dirty as it preys on our need for love, acceptance, and the joy that comes with knowing another person cares deeply about you. It’s not just the knowing that’s important. It’s the believing and when faith in love is taken advantage of, people lose their ability to trust and their will to live.